Letter from Yonah's Chavrusa

Dear Dina and the entire Goldman family,

I have not written until this point because I am still at a loss of words. It's not easy to summarize a person in one single letter. Quite often, one feature of the person will become exaggerated, while other features and traits, perhaps even more noble, will become overshadowed and overlooked. Because of this, I have been trying to wait and clear my head from the initial shock of the devastating news. Yet it is now a few days past Shiva, and the mental block is still there. But I feel that I can’t wait any longer. I hope that what I write will bring you comfort and peace.

My first real memory of Yonah Goldman as a true friend takes me back to my first year of OJ in 2001. Yonah and I lived a few rooms away from each other in the dorm, and we were also in the same Shiur together. We became fast friends with much in common. Somehow we made it past Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur before we realized that Succos was fast approaching, and required the purchase of a Lulav and Esrog. Due to the price of Esrogim available to us in the Yeshiva, we decided to “make a go of it” and see what kind of deals we could find by traveling to Meah Shearim. However, when the time came to leave, Yonah had already purchased his Esrog (or had made plans to). Feeling a bit disappointed, I resolved myself to braving the masses of Meah Shearim in the middle of a heat wave without any help. But Yonah would not let me go myself. We had planned to go together and he would therefore accompany me in my search, even though it was incredibly hot outside, he had just met me a few weeks prior, and he did not need to go!

What I most remember about that time, and what Yonah and I joked about, was that I became so involved in pushing my way into the crowd in search of the Esrog, that I let the day slip by without stopping for lunch, or even a drink. Yet Yonah never hurried me, or gave me the sense that he was in a rush. Finally, when the hour was late, and Yonah and I were on our way back to Yeshiva, we decided to stop for a quick bite for Pizza. It was there that Yonah informed he would never go anywhere with me again unless I promised to take a break to eat! I feel that it is from that point that our friendship truly solidified.

Somehow, Yonah was able to overlook the fact that I was not only a New Yorker, but a Giants fan, and we became close friends. I knew that I was able to rely on Yonah's help through the thick or thin. I believe it was at the end of Succos when Yonah first told me about a girl named Dina, someone he had met over Succos. He was confused. On the one hand he wanted to grow spiritually and emotionally before moving on to the next stage of his life. And he worried that he was not yet ready for marriage. Yet on the other hand, he could not deny his true feelings, and his belief that he and Dina were meant to be together. After that point, I never heard him speak of anyone besides for Dina in all the time that I knew him, even during the first year of Yeshiva when Dina and Yonah were not dating.

As the year went on, we had many deep discussions about life, and even our own personal lives. Yonah had the ability to listen, understand, offer insight and lighten the moment – all at the same time. He was someone that I would seek out to discuss many issues with, both personal and general. Perhaps it was Yonah’s clear view of life that made his opinion so sought after. He was not someone who made drastic life changes in Israel. Rather, he was someone who continued on the path that he had already set out upon many years before he reached OJ. Yonah understood where he wanted to go in life, from a time way before I was privileged to meet him. He was consistent in all aspects of his life; from being a good friend, to wanting to get married and start a family, to being a servant of Hashem. He knew what was right and what was wrong. Yashrus – straightness - would be a good term to describe a person like Yonah Goldman, a'h.

Yonah was the person who could not say a hurtful word to another person. If he had to criticize you, it would be done with a smile and a joke. He was also the person who always had a small coin for each and every person whom he would encounter in Jerusalem asking for charity – no matter if these people were legitimately poor or not. At the time, I did not think anything of it. But looking back, it is something that I have clear images of.

As that first year of OJ went on, we both served to inspire the other. If I were to miss a class, Yonah would be calling to find out where I was. If Yonah missed a class – he was smart enough to turn off his cell phone! We both shared an affinity for the Kotel that translated into frequent trips there and a particularly painful episode for Yonah.

On alternating Tuesday afternoons, the Yeshiva would give us off for afternoon classes. One time, Yonah and I decided that we would go the Kotel and wound up hitching a ride from our Moshav with some elderly local residents. Although I nodded politely, Yonah and the elderly couple struck an immediate rapport. When Yonah found out that the person enjoyed Tennis, it became a “match” that would make them into friends, even though Yonah was many generations the junior.

Yonah would go over to this couple’s house, help them with various work around the house (that he told me about) and would play tennis with the husband. Unfortunately during one of those tennis matches, the elderly gentleman suffered from a severe heart attack and passed away on the court, with Yonah watching.

Obviously, we were all concerned about Yonah, yet publicly Yonah only seemed to be concerned about the gentleman’s widow. When we went to pay Shiva, the elderly grieving lady could only compliment and express genuine appreciation to Yonah for being a true friend of her husband. Yet through the public facade, I know that it was a particularly painful time for Yonah, and the concept of death and bereavement was something that we spent many hours discussing.

Yonah was also a dedicated and serious student of Torah. It should not be overlooked that he tremendously valued his Rabbi’s and teachers who would help him grow spiritually.

We became Chavrusa’s (study partners) in our second year in OJ, and spent many hours spent over one single page of Talmud, or topic in Jewish law or philosophy. Yonah had many other Chavrusa’s during this time as well. In particular, he chose to take advantage of an in depth Talmud Shiur that was being offered by the Rosh Yeshiva. In addition to gaining insights into a tractate that is not often analyzed too deeply, Yonah was able to forge a connection to the Rosh Yeshiva on a personal basis as well.

Unfortunately, I returned to America after Yeshiva and Yonah and I did not maintain the connection. Yonah was able to realize his dream of marrying Dina and living in Israel. It was a dream that made him incredibly happy, and was something that he wanted everyone to experience. I remember speaking to Yonah before his wedding. He was so excited and wanted to share his joy with me, and he gently cajoled “so when are you getting married and moving to Israel?!” It was such a natural thing for Yonah to want others to be happy, and to experience the same level of joy that he was feeling. His enthusiasm was infectious, and I could not help but to get caught up in it.

Sadly, I really don’t have other words to accurately describe Yonah and his impact upon so many lives. It is impossible for me to put into words what type of person Yonah was and what he meant to so many people - and what he meant to me as a true friend. To describe him with such adjectives as “amazing” or “caring” would be true, but they would not do true justice to who he was.

He had the ability to laugh and cry with you, and to truly inspire people to strive for more in life. He was someone that people wanted to be around. His laugh was infectious, and his clear insight into life was valued. He stood out for “not standing out” and for being a genuinely good person, a good friend, husband and father.

I want to share with you a thought I had this past Shabbos (Parshas Vayeishev). Rashi explains that Yaakov settled in the land of Canaan with the hopes of leading a tranquil and peaceful life. Yet it was not to be. After overcoming the trials and tribulations posed by Eisav, Lavan, and Shechem, Yaakov is now forced to deal with the painful episode of Yosef’s sale into servitude. How was Yaakov able to manage this? Where did Yaakov get the mental fortitude to continue on being Yaakov Avinu, in the face of so many trials and tribulations?

While thinking about this, I thought of the very comforting prayer found in the “Nishmas” prayer, which is recited at the end of Psukei D’Zimra on Shabbos. In it, we said: “Hashem...You redeemed us from Egypt and from servitude. In famine you nourished us and in Plenty you sustained us. From Sword you saved us, from Plague You let us escape, and from severe and enduring diseases You spared us. Until now Your mercy has helped us, and Your kindness has not forsaken us.” In truth, we are saying to Hashem: "God, You have brought me this far, and I pray and remain confident, that you will continue to help me and support me through life."

It is so easy to give up and to lose hope. But think of all that we have overcome until this point. Hashem has taken us this far, and we Pray and remain confident that He will continue to take care of us. Perhaps Yaakov said: “Hashem helped me survive Eisav, Lavan and Shechem. He will help me survive this as well.”

Perhaps the defining aspect of Yonah’s life was that he saw the good in life, the good in people, and he saw the potential in the future. He recognized all of the goodness that God granted him. He was able to smile so easily because he was genuinely happy. Yonah’s life was a living embodiment of “Hashem has helped me survive this far, and He will help me survive this as well.”

I am a better person today because of Yonah Goldman, a’h. He made an impact upon all whom he encountered, and we will never forget him. He was a true friend and a true inspiration.

We should all merit to live life to our fullest potential and to not forget the lessons that Yonah taught by example.

Tehei Neshama Trurza B’Tzor Hachaim.

Sincerely and with a broken heart,

A.&D. G.